Can Sexual abstinence hinder you from getting married?

I was chatting with a friend of mine sometime last week. It was her birthday, so we met and got talking. Now, we didn’t gossip, we talked!

Moving on….

She told me how she had decided to abstain from sex till marriage and I understood where she was coming from. I might not have reached such resolve and don’t know if I ever will, but being the Elsie that I am, one of my special gifts is seeing where people are coming from and allow them be the fullness of themselves around me. I would never impose my opinion/views/thoughts on anyone. I can only share when necessary and allow you the choice to decide what you are sure to be best for you after carefully analyzing your decision in the best light possible.

This friend of mine also was very realistic in owning up to the fact that it’s been very hard to stick to this decision but she has trusted the Holy Spirit to help her fulfill this personal decision. Now note that she knows it can be very difficult but she is trying.

I couldn’t resist the urge to write about this one any longer after one of the NdaniTv promoters drew my attention to the new series #NdaniRealTalk. It happened to be S1E1 and the topic was “abstinence” hosted by Cornelia O’dwyer

I liked how the guests’ on the show – Obisomto – a well renowned photographer, Mercy ajisafe – on air personality at coolFM and Joro Olumofin aka Dr. Mofin the social psychologists were very real and blunt.

The intro was what got me thinking, it was more like something someone would say to the friend I mentioned earlier and then wait for her to explode. Cornelia stated she was told to be jonzing if she thought she could abstain from sex and get married anytime soon.

The question was how high is sex on the guests’ list and the lady, surprisingly (Mercy Ajisafe) responded first saying ‘sex is very high on her list’. It’s surprising to me because most Nigerians love sitting on the ‘na me holy pass bench’. Seeing a lady boldly talking about her opinion on this sex issue made me realize I wasn’t the only with the talk am as e be you syndrome. I am glad.

I was a bit disappointed at the mixture of guests in the sense that, it would have been more interesting if a particular guest was at least on the side of the abstinence family, that way, the whole talk can go back and forth.

The host said something about meeting guys who know how to talk the talk but can’t work the work (yes I meant what you are thinking). She is of the opinion that if she goes to bed with this guy before marriage, she would realize how 1sec a man he is and probably stop liking him and break up, thereby increasing her body count which she is concerned about. But if she abstains, she gets to only realize her man is a 1sec man and wouldn’t have a choice than to stay in the marriage.


Dear madam, that theory can only work if and only if you still remain a virgin till marriage night. Let’s be realistic here, if you have been doing the do, knowing the sizes you like, met one guy who made you scream the neighborhood down (out of pleasure of course), then I think the possibility of you being faithful in that marriage is almost impossible.

Please leave the Holy Spirit out of this one.

The flesh is the flesh

It’s like having an awesome cook for a mother and then suddenly and unfortunately landing yourself a wife who can hardly cook tasty meals then believe you can manage your wife’s food for the rest of your life without looking for alternatives. Who is fooling who here?

Think about it…

There is totally nothing wrong in abstinence. It’s an awesome decision, if it works for you, very well. Men can abstain, women can abstain. I think marriage has gone past the point where we think it’s just all about cohabiting in the same apartment and rearing children. Marriage has gotten to a point where both partners have to satisfy each other needs, emotionally, physically, sexually and psychologically. Let your partner be able to call your arms home.

Now if you think all you need is a balance in your finances and PDA, then you are wrong.

There is nothing wrong when a man or a woman doesn’t match up to your sexual needs. It doesn’t mean you should break up. It doesn’t mean he or she can’t ever match up. It only requires that you both be very open minded about it and talk it through. See experts, use Google, watch an read up sex tips, gradually work through this together and you both will find a balance.

So whether you are abstaining or not, with the right frame of mind, you can and will get married.

But remember this frame of mind must be vice versa.

Watch the talk show below:

The answers they got from the streets though…..ewwwww!


Click HERE to subscribe to this blog via email for immediate notification.

You may also like


  1. If you have an awesome cook for a mother and your wife can’t cook, she can learn or would you eat your mother’s meal everyday? This applies to sex too. If you were not intimate before marriage, no need to fuss, of both parties are true, open and willing to learn and teach each other, after all we were all novices at one time and its an act that’s learned. If the guy or gal knows how to do it, and so? Is that all that you desire from a partner? Is that all that would keep the relationship firm?

  2. Communication on all aspects can’t be overemphasized in a relationship/marriage. There’s always a room to be better at it,even if not the best you seek. No one is Perfect!

    Nice insight as always , keep it up Elsie!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge