he once said: “This world is made up of two kinds.
“You have those who chase stars. And then you have those who look at the moon and confide in its melancholia.”
And I asked: “Which one are you?”
“Time will tell.”
What if the sky and the earth meet secretly when the world is off to sleep? And last night, they couldn’t. That will explain the crying of the sky. And like every lover out there, the earth is soaking the tears of its beloved.
I look out of the drenched windowpane—raindrops lashing against the glass—the world is shining under the nightfall in a melancholic way.
Even after four years, has nothing changed inside of me? Oh dear rain, let go of me already, please?
I look at the stillness of the coffee which has now turned cold. I am soaked into the aroma and a distant memory, like a bird flying back to its nest, comes back to me…
I was running and I was drenched, but I did not mind either. My legs hurt. I didn’t care. I had to stop him. Stop him from going. We all make mistakes. And I did one too. And it collapsed the chain, the bridge that connected our life. If it was raining across the country, there was a tsunami inside my heart.
“Don’t go. And don’t let me go!” I stopped him, just before he could march the taxi and leave for the airport. “What I did was stupid, but please?” I know he could distinct my tears and the raindrops. He always could. Just this time, he did not. Maybe, it would have weakened him.
“You were the one who chose to walk out,” he said. His honey-dipped voice lingered around my ears. Would this be the last time I ever hear him speak again?
“Please?” I pleaded.
“It didn’t hurt when you chose him. He was all you ever cared about. Caring, smarter, and above all, not broken like me.
“‘My favorite book and you’re just a page,’ didn’t you say that? he was your obvious choice. I am happy for the two of you, honestly.”
I wanted to run away. From everything. From his words. From myself.
“You held his hand tight because you are afraid to let go. I was afraid to let you go, too, but did you feel that? No. I’m glad you found love. But will it be forever? I don’t know. I hope it is. And my love? It will last forever. I still love you. I really do. But it is over.
“It doesn’t hurt that you chose him, but you know what does? The fact that I could be everything he ever will be. Hell! Even better. But you never cared to look at me the way you look at him now. For me, you are now just a distant memory. I almost had you, and you almost loved me.” he pressed his lips against mine. We were kissing each other under the rain, eyes welled up with tears and our lips quivering. I swear we were in love but not with each other. Not anymore.
he left me as a moonless-dreamer.
I press the cup against my lips. It tastes pale. The moonless sky is a bit like me… gloomy. I wonder if he looks at the same sky and thinks of me, too. But most importantly, I feel good to share the same sky bed. It keeps me close to him, at least that is what I believe. After all, he has etched himself in me. And if I ever wake up with Amnesia, and he happened to walk into my hospital room to check on me, I would fall for him all over again, and not even know who I am. That’s what he does.