Excapades Of A Social Media Addict – 9 (R-18+)

Don't Be Forced Into Sex In A Relationship

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I was already missing Ibadan and its just 2 weeks since I left for Lagos. It felt like I’ve been out of Lagos for years, here I am back to the traffic, hustling and all. There’s indeed no place like LAGOS.

I’ve not really settled in Lagos, I was already getting ready to hit the club for Joke’s birthday party, been a long time I went to the club. The venue was Liquid Lounge; Ikeja which had apparently now turned out to be the reigning club for sturvs just like GTBank was the top bank for our age-group. Not usually a club person but she’s a personal friend. I pinged Gbenga and asked if he would like to go. I sure needed backup and sharp guys despite the fact that I was going with my cousin Dapo.

    “Twitter girls go dey there?” Was his reply    “Sure, she sabi most of ’em so them suppose show face”..I buzzed back at him.    “No lele then, make we go..na even friday night”

So it was all set, friday night – Joke’s birthday.

What to do during the week…with all I had gone through in Ibadan of late, sex was the last thing on my mind. I had decided I’ll be celibate for a while, wanted to gain more weight. Most of the two weeks had been spent visiting the cinema, seeing old friends (mostly girls) etc.  Began to spend more time with my phone, twitter was buzzing as usual, trust Nigerians, we would always come up with something, the whole “Oga @ the top” Saga had finally blown over. Now its was someone I considered a moron that was trending, @NickyButtercup.

Apparently a twitter dude had tried to set P with her, they must have been chatting for a while or whatever but the breakdown is the dude sent her a pic of his dick (looking small tho) and had obviously sent her 9k too. Along d line, they must have had some misunderstanding and the next thing the pea-brained girl felt the required thing to do was to twitpic d guy’s dick and start telling us all about how the guy sent her 9k.

Like seriously?!!! Did she think it was the guy that was gonna lose in the long-term? No right-thinking guy would ever want get close to her. A girl with a loose mouth that can pull down a country. Of course she had d voltrons laughing at her every tweet. She obviously couldn’t see beyond her nose. And the sad part was she couldn’t even make it into twitter NG Top100 most beautiful (no hard feelings just airing my views).

My DMs was becoming short; one thing I had learnt was always to be brief and straight to the point. And if a girl should give you her pin or contact details, you had an 80% chance of fucking her. But since I was on sex-leave, I just kept collecting pins/contact details and piling them. My BBM was buzzing, wasn’t for the sex but I chatted with the girls in a way that sex could come up anytime. Salewa kept in contact, I didn’t tell her I had moved back to Lagos permanently, just said I would be away for some weeks. The girl dey find who to kill. I was still on a job search to take my mind off the whole thing. I was living way too dangerous.

Friday arrived and all was set. Dapo felt we could hijack our aunt’s car..his though.

      ”Omo, if the party boring, we fit find girl come fuck for car”

Arrrrgghhh!! WTF was with everyone and fucking in a car?! I just shook my head as we headed off to our aunt’s place.


Spent the next 2 hours whining and playing puppy eyes with her before she finally dropped her car keys. If we had known what we were in for, we wouldn’t have picked up the car at all. A couple of streets away, the car started over-heating and I started feeling nauseous. Fuck, couldn’t remember the last time I was car sick. I asked my Dapo to park at the Mr Biggs outlet close to the estate gate.. I got out of the car shivering; I managed to get myself together and walked in. I ordered a big bowl of ice-cream cuz I was feeling pretty empty inside. I was still shivering tho, what the hell was wrong with me? I got my ice-cream with two doughnuts (my usual, I hardly ever ordered proper food at an eatery cuz it was more or less an appetizer). Walked back to the car..


                   “How va, e don cool down?” I asked


I asked as I sunk my teeth into the 1st doughnut.

       “Yup, make we dey go” he replied as he started up the car.

I got in..was feeling pretty light-headed. What the fuck was wrong with me.

I just wasn’t myself. Couldn’t even take more than a few spoons out of the ice-cream. I was feeling really hot and light-headed. I unbuttoned my shirt since I was now pretty sure I was suffering from car-sickness.After a couple more stops along the way to cool down the radiator, we finally made it to Shitta where another aunt of ours was having a lil birthday celebration. I was so happy to be finally out of the car. Picked up my phone and pinged Gbenga. Told him to meet up at Shitta and we’d all head down to Ikeja for the party. He replied that he was on his way..good, needed to clear my head. Got a plate of rice and a cup of red-wine. Something ticked off in my head, reminding we have several bottles of vodka in the trunk of the car. Well that would be for later. Eating and scrolling down my TL,was trying to check up on who and who were heading to @Mrs_Arteta’s party. Was always good 2 know beforehand. Saw a tweet from @Bukkylicious saying she was sad or something, that she wasn’t gonna make the party..strike one. Didn’t really find muchbuzz.Well I wasn’t going for them. Gbenga arrived about an hour later, buzzed me that he was at Shitta round-about. Went to meet him, I wanted to check up at my uncle at leisure mall, to see if I could scam some change outta his pocket. So we took a keke napep to Bode Thomas junction. Got off at Shoprite.

Funny how most people don’t know there’s a cinema yet at Surulere.. And I sorta liked it that way, less people more fun unlike Ozone which was always crowded..Unilag’s playground. Met my uncle, after a few dribbles and leg-overs, I ended up not getting anything from him. *sighs* guess I’d have to go to the party with a low pocket balance.

“Oh boy, how movement go be?” Gbenga asked as we rode in a keke napep back to Shitta.“We go rough am..we dey reason our aunt car before but that car dey do one kain. We fit bone am, charter taxi go jare”..I pulled my phone outta my pocket and tweeted..*car on over-heating finz, guess its cab finz 2 @Mrs_Arteta’s birthday*. That earned me a ‘Lmao’ and a RT from her.

We got to the house and found Richard (another of my cousins) had arrived. He was also planning on attending the party. We all started a lil drinking and gisting till it was past 8pm.

“Bobo, make we dey move. You know say we gast still go return this car. We know fit take am along, make e go overheat for road kooba us” I said to Dapo.“One mechanic don come change d radiator sef. E don cool down but make we dey go. Make we go park am” he pipped.

We started picking up our bag packs, everyone had one containing d clothes they wanted 2 change into. Dapo didn’t have any footwear in his bagpack,something pricked me about this but I just could pinpoint what. We started out, en-route Ikotun to drop the car…I was feeling a lil nauseous but wasn’t as severe as earlier.

Luckily, the traffic to Ikotun was lighter than usual. Got to our aunt’s place 30 mins later. Parked at a car-wash next to her shop.

      ”Ahan, you boys are not going with the car anymore” She asked as she saw us.“No, the radiator dey do one kain..so it’s better if we just take a cab” Dapo replied. “Ok ooo, guess I can still drive you guys to the car-park” She offered.“Sure, just one minute. We wanna change clothes”. My mind worked fast.

And so we all started changing clothes at the car-wash. It was almost 9:30 and @Mrs_Arteta had told me the party venue would be shutting its doors at 10pm..if I hear! It was probably just African timing. Guys don’t spend hours getting clothed. 5mins is enough for any regular guy. Jeans on and belt after tucking your singlet in, get a lil body spray or perfume on(whichever u use) and drap your shirt over your head. Extra time is spent getting your footwear on.

5mins and we were good to go. We all got into the car; it now looked pretty small for d 5 of us. It’s a Toyota Solara, 2 doors.. So 3 of us had to squeeze up at the back while one person had d luxury of a front seat. She found a car park and dropped us; I walked to the nearest cab and negotiated a N2500 fare to Liquid Lounge. My aunt found that too much and re-negotiated it to N2000. Oh well, as far as we sha get there on time.

Written by Bass ( Twitter – @Bass_ige)

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