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“Follow your heart but take your head with you or might loose your soul”

“Jay, thanks for the advice you gave me to come plain to Titi. It was a good one from a kind friend. I was going to do just that when we went out last time but I just couldn’t gather the balls to. I chickened out man. Believe me, that shit is not as easy as it sounds. Not at all. She kept on pestering me cos I already told her I wanted to tell her something extremely important. You know what? I just ended up putting an engagement ring on her finger.
It was freaking emotional and I just can’t find the words to describe that moment. I’m officially engaged… Albeit with a secret lurking in the shadows but I don’t mind. I’ll savor every moment and hope for the best… And by that I mean I hope I gain the courage to talk to her about this soon.
You know it’s funny how the day went from confession to proposal, agreement and expression of love. But I have to say, the twist to this particular saga is really going to do my head in with words coming out that I’m dumping Titi cos I caught her cheating. Can you believe that? Who would say something like that & could there be any iota of truth in it?… And if there is, who might she be cheating on me with?
I’m going to dig this up and get the fact behind this. I know my fiancée is not cheating, but I want to know who the dumbass spilling lies all over is and when I lay hands on that person, God help his or her soul with the manner of sacrificial lamb I’ll make the person.
Thanks for always having my back. You’ve been more like a bro than a friend and I really appreciate. However it goes, you’ll be the first to know.
Take care man. Later.”

That was my third time of reading Believe’s mail and I don’t know why I keep having mixed feelings every time I do. Of course I’m happy for him and my ex. Yes, I hate the fact that he has something to hide and it’s something I know about, but the main thing of concern is the cheating part.

It’s one thing to face temptation. It’s another thing to fall for it… The curios case is falling for a temptation that probably has no way back up. – ME(2013)

“Waddup Jay?”.

“I’m good”.

“Are you ok?… The way you sound, you’re either ill or tired”.

“It’s the latter. Tedious projects and oh congrats on your proposal acceptance. Your fiancé told me”

“Dave!… Excitement has wiped the meaning of surprise off his head. We were gonna surprise you guys… And oh, I’m on my way to your place”

“What?!… Why?!… And what happened to prior notice? What if I’m not at home?”

“Easy with the questions dude. I just said I should stop-by for a glass of drink. Or you got company?”

I thought for a second… Lizzy was my only guest for the day, insisting when we went out on Sunday that she wants to know my place and her arrival as we agreed was around 2 hours time. I hope Titi wasn’t sent on any party popping mission cos that really wouldn’t be nice and I didn’t want anyone to know anything about Liz just yet. I’ve not been able to categorically define my feelings for her. I could say we are just friends but won’t be wrong either if I say we are a little bit more. For instance the outing on Sunday at ICM, we talked, laughed, held hands, played game, had a great time and yes we kissed… Or… Almost kissed.
I really wished Liz wasn’t a single mom. That was the only tough barrier in the way of me getting it going with her – Innocent Tammy. Even if I was going to pull the stunt, it would take a lot of convincing and persuasion for my parents to have anything to do with such relationship. I can’t even tell my mum. My churchy mum and her strict laid down principles. She could give one a lecture that would make one vow never to marry in this life, even the next; If marriages occurred there. She didn’t take it with levity hands at all and I really don’t think I have the gut to tell her I’m courting a single mom without telling her when the holy spirit gave me the green light, the bible verses it led me to, how many times I and my pastor has prayed about it and if I took the right laid down steps in the vine yard.
First of is the guy getting the green light, telling the girl’s pastor, the pastor would then convey the message to the girl and instruct her to go pray for her green light too. When she gets it, she comes back to tell the pastor then guy and the pastor would proceed to break the news to the girl’s parents and once they give their own green light, the guy and pastor again journey to the guy’s parents to obtain their green light too.
Once all the green lights are collected and there’s no comma or question marks, courtship can start officially and…

“Hello!… Hello!!” Titi shouted.

“Yes?!… Sorry, I… What was it you said again? I didn’t hear you well”

“Should I come or just go straight to Ikeja. End of story. Stop wasting somebody’s credit”

“Yep sure, of course. Stop by so I can see and take pictures of your ring. New pics for my boring instagram account”

“Hehehe. Dry geek”

Titi was looking gorgeous in a blue checkered shirt, black tight jean, red converse and a black snapback. Her D&G shades and D&G black bag just rounded it all up. Even Joan Rivers would’ve given her a thumbs up for this.

After the exchange of pleasantries and actually taking pictures of the lovely piece of the sign of commitment on Titi’s finger, We sat at my window dressed living room table, sipping drinks from the frosty and enjoyed the an uneasy and heavy silence. We kept looking at each other like two robots going into synchronization. We both knew there was something we wanted to say but its either it was too odd to spill out or we just didn’t know how to say it.

I poured myself another glass.

“Say it” Titi said as I raised the cup to my mouth.

“Go first” I replied beneath my breath, inhaling the scent of the freshly poured drink. “Ladies first”.

“Are you happy?”

“Of course. I’m very happy”.

“I’m not totally happy” Titi said she dropped her cup on the table.

“What?!… Why?!” I asked with a sincere mixture of curiosity and sympathy.

“I have feelings for you Jay. Every time I see you or talk to you, it shoots up like a music sound bar. I don’t know what to do. That’s why I’ve tried not to see you for a while if you notice. I’m scared. I’m scared of losing myself and soiling my image in the process of deceiving myself, my fiancé and everybody else around me.
We need to talk this through and that’s why I came here. I need you to help me and if possible, be my therapist.
How does one get completely over an ex?

“What do I do? What steps do I take and how exactly do I shut you out completely and stop feeling like I’m locked in the past?”

I sat there staring at Titi like I wasn’t there and she was just thinking out loud. I really didn’t know what to say and with all my guesses before she showed up, this here didn’t pop up as a possibility of why she was stopping-by.

“You can’t have feelings for me Titi. Its a taboo. A crime that can’t be heard of. You haven’t tried hard enough and you have to. You have to kill it. Any atom of feelings you have for me, just cut it off. Yea its easier said than done but believe me, it can be done. All we gotta do is try, and if it doesn’t work, we try harder”.

“Have you killed your feelings?”

I almost chocked on the drink. That question caught me right off guard.

“No… But I’m working on it”. I replied in between a few coughs.

“Hmm… Ok” She said loosening the buttons of her shirt.

“What’s she doing” I thought to myself.

“You know it was always going to be a little tough for me as a single person but you’re in a relationship and that shouldn’t only serve as distraction but a replacement.  Dave is a good guy and we both are aware of how much he loves you and the distance he’s willing to go to prove it… ”

“…So once you have someone you’re dating, she’ll not only distract you but would wipe me off your memory completely. Right?”

“Right!” I tried sounding as blunt as possible.

Titi stood up from her seat, wriggled herself out of her shirt without saying a word and made for the other side of the table where I was seated.
Quietly, I stood up to distance myself from her present choice of fashion consisting of her bra & her black jean. One way or the other, she zoomed and pushed me.

“What are you doing?” I whispered with my back against the wall.

“What does it look like?… I love you Jay. I love you more than Dave”. She said in almost inaudible tone. “David is cheating and you I guess you know it. You probably don’t want to tell me cos it’ll hurt me”

I mumbled some words as she pressed her chest against mine, shooting hot breath at my jaw. My self-control must auto activate itself now. It must not let me down or else I’m a dead man.
Titi began rubbing her hands all over me as I stood there like a pole with my eyes closed. I guess she must’ve mistaken that for a go ahead while I was fighting a serious fight with the large part of my inner self which was still very much under Titi’s spell. She placed and raised a leg in-between mine and except I was taller and she couldn’t reach my lips, a kiss would’ve been her next move. Suddenly, a sharp tingling message went circulating through my central nervous system and I opened my eyes to see my shirt on the floor. When and how she did it, I wouldn’t know but her tongue on my nipple was the button for the message been delivered to cause the bulge in my pants. I felt my whole defensive system crumbling and for the first time, my self-control would let me down.
I said some inaudible rubbish and lowered my jaw, ready for when Titi’s mouth would be done with my nipple.
A part of was fighting the fight of resistance, and just as she brought her face up…

…Something dropped.

Subconsciously, I yanked Titi off me and looked right at the floor. A brown handbag.
Oh shit!… This wasn’t good. Not good at all. I almost didn’t bother looking up out of shame… No, not shame. Embarrassment. This was her favorite bag… Or that was she told me.

“Wha… What’s… Whatsup Jay?!”. Liz said with both palms on her cheek.

Mature Minds Talk.