3K for Satellite Television and 20GB Internet Data? TSTV Got Jokes

The greatest virtue of the Nigerian individual is the ability to find hilarity in everyday topics and in issues that otherwise could have been annoying or scary.

Remember when ebola was a threat and the ‘salt water bath’ text went viral? Of course we laughed it off, despite the fact that people actually believed bathing with a homemade saline solution could heal a viral infection.

Everybody knows times are hard so we console ourselves with laughter.

In comes TSTV.

It started like a joke; a new entrant into the satellite television space making all claims to displace the established market leader. On the surface, the claims sound incredible: TSTV promised to show all the programming that Nigerians are fixated on- movies, reality shows and tons of sports channels. What’s more, knowing Nigerian’s habitual need for internet, they promised to throw in a whopping twenty gigabyte data plan. All for the ‘fantastic’ price of three thousand naira.

In the words of Chigurl, what a wawu!

So for three pieces of one thousand naira, one can watch English Premier League games that cost the competition five hundred million dollars to acquire?

For three-thousand naira pere, one can watch all the NBA games that are exclusive to another network?

The most incredible ehn, is the data plan that ordinarily costs as much as ten thousand naira from dedicated Internet service providers is now just a bonus at TSTV? It all sounds too good to be true!

This writer can bet that all the foregoing is simply tantamount to viral jokes because it makes no logical sense. It defies naira and kobo. It defies the balance sheet. It’s just not possible.

Perhaps in the future, our economic reality in Nigeria will create an atmosphere where these things are possible.

Until then as far as I’m concerned, TSTV is the best joke we’ve heard this week.

Well, Here are three reasons Nigerians should be worried about TSTV claims:

TSTV has been the rave of the moment on social media so I decided to research them cause they sound too good to be true. So before you jump up in excitement about bypassing DSTV’s rip off with the launch of TSTV, you might want to read this;

  1. DSTV has the exclusive right to the broadcast of EPL while Kwese TV, which will be launching sometime soon also has exclusive free-to-air some rights to the EPL. This can be seen on the premier league broadcasters Wikipedia page here HERE


  1. There’s no evidence to prove that they actually have these stations.

  1. What is the probability they won’t turn out like HiTV or like previous DSTV competition, the likes of Hitv, consat and co., who promised us so much more and then left us high and dry.

All I am saying is, we should start asking the right questions…

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