By Samuel Oluwatobi Olatunji.

Click HERE for part 1 & 2“hmmm… what are you doing?”“what do you think I am doing, baby boy?”“rubbing the germs on your palms on my body?”“nah… just trying to be romantic… can’t you hear the song in the air?”“what song?”“oh, Korede Bello and Tiwa Savage? My baby is so romantic… so romantic?”“wow… the demon of your village now play you music?”“stop it ooo! stop being a naughty boy for Christ’s sake… tell me you don’t feel good deep down…”“oh, baby, I feeeeeeel sooooo goooood …..”“yes, that’s the spirit! Just sit and relax while my hands do the magic on your body”“I hope the magic you are talking about isn’t witchcraft sha?”“Oooooo, what kind of a lover are you? Do I look like a witch?”“well, who knows? I have seen a witch as fair as you are and almost like you…”“Jesus… where please?”“Either in my physical or psychological television”“What are you talking about please?”“Oh, nothing just kidding… you can continue with the massage please”“I will continue, but I don’t want you to say anything henceforth… just relax and listen”“yes, ma’am… your wish is my command”“good boy… you must have been overworking yourself, baby boy… you should be grateful I am offering you this massage ooo…. You hear… answer me jare… don’t be a dumbass…. I say answer oooooo!!!!”“Oh, me? I thought you said I should not say anything… just relax and listen?”“well, I have changed my mind, stupid boy!”“Oh, but I will really prefer you to say nothing, just relax and listen….”“No, you can’t… you don’t expect me to be talking to myself alone?”“why not? I do talk to myself alone…”“I know, and I don’t want to be as mad as you are.”“wow… so you are dating a mad boy then?”“I know… your madness is comic relief to me”“wow… interesting”“well, I’m done!”“oh, so fast? Anyway, merci beaucoup, masseuse.”“well, yemu ego…”“Please, what language is that? Do you now speak in tongues after massaging someone?”“well done! Be pretending as if you don’t know what I am talking about.”“Oh, money for the masseuse?”“Of course na… nothing is free in this Buhari’s era of change”“Coins or change, I have none, but I know someone who should have change, my sweetheart, I present you with the whole of my heart to His Excellency, oga Buhari… with him, I hope you will not empty your bank account like me to buy garri.”“I know you have theatrical talent, but sometimes you are a terrible thespian.”“Thank you for the compliment”“You’re welcome… I don’t need much from you, just money for chicken and chips na”“Oh, that’s no problem… remember I told you that I can do anything for you?”“Yes?”“Well, now I want to prove it”“awwww, baby boy… oya spray me the wad…”“kukuroookuuuuuu….. kukuroooookuuuuu… kukuroooookuuuuuu…”“what is wrong with this one? Egbami oooo… baby boy, are you okay?”“kukurooookuuuuu… kukuroooookuuuuu… kukurooooookuuuu”“baby boy, talk to me… what’s happening?”“stop talking too much… there is potato in the kitchen, go and slice… my love for you has made me to become your chicken… have faith like father Abraham, maybe as you are about to cut off my neck, God will do abracadabra and send us a real chicken… do you understand?”“oh God, why did you give me a stupid boyfriend? Please ooo, people of this world, hear me ooo, I have a boyfriend for sale… no terms and condition attached… in fact. I’m willing to give you discount… just come and buy him please.”“yes oooo… please buy me, I need a rich girl in my life”“see this one? Who is selling you to a rich girl when there are plenty gay guys in the world?”“what!!!!????? Egbami oooooo…..”