How to stop loving someone who doesn’t love you

just your heart

Unrequited love has got to be one of the most difficult situations to find one’s self in, when it comes to matters of the heart. Most people have found themselves in this sort of heartache at least once in their life time and trust me, it’s not something you would want to experience again (if you ever had) or ever (if you never had). You could also be in a relationship and your partner suddenly realizes s/he doesn’t feel the way s/he thought s/he did.

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Without talking writing plenty, I will be giving you suggestive tips on how to stop loving whoever does not love you back.

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  1. Be honest with yourself and stop the blame game.
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When in such situations, you will most likely want to tell yourself you are not in love with the said person. You will tell yourself s/he loves you back and make excuses for them as to why they are not showing it. Then when you get angry, pissed or depressed, you start the blame game. You either blame your loving him/her on the fact that s/he was too nice and gave you the green light (the light you assumed was green) or throw the blame at the person or medium through which you met him/her. Some even go as far as unfriending that link or closing down that account they have on the very social network site where they met.

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It’s nobody’s fault that you fell in love with someone who does not feel exactly the same way about you, neither does the fault have to fall on the linking medium. Get over it already. And accept that you are in this mess (in love with him/her) already. Don’t be ashamed of having loved and lost. Its life, you win some, you lose some.

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  1. Grieve
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Cry all you want. I read an article on a blog on how important it is to cry. It’s normal for you to cry. It doesn’t make you less human or even a man (like some will submit that only ladies cry), neither does it make you a weakling. Express your feeling, pour them out to a friend who is matured enough to understand how you feel and lend you a shoulder to cry it all out on without judging. You don’t have such a friend? Hit me up or talk to your pillow and soak it up. You would feel a lot better when you can truly let all the emotions out and rinse (cry) them out.

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  1. Avoid memory triggers.
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You know that song that reminds you of the person? That spot that reminds you of him/her? That special kind of food s/he alone likes eating? Just stop! Stop reminding yourself of these things. If possible, change your environment for a bit, visit distant family or friends and keep yourself away from mutual friends you share with this person. I know you can’t delete yourself from the face of the earth just because you trying to avoid memories, but you have got to try and stop doing, listening, going and looking at things that would always remind you of him/her. S/he is happy, you deserve to be happy too, you owe yourself that much.

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  1. Seek the Negative side.
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I know you feel something special for him/her. I know, to you he is the Mr. Perfect that just slipped off your finger. I know how much it hurts to think you are losing the one guy that has almost 90% of your list on the attribute of your Mr. Right. But trust me honey, no one is perfect. We all have our bad sides, Stop for a moment and think of those ‘not so good’ things about him/her, dwell on them for a while and tell yourself you wouldn’t bear that. Don’t allow the ‘I can change him/her’ syndrome a space to crawl in. You cannot change anyone except s/he decides to.

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This doesn’t mean you go around spoiling his/her image and saying all sorts about him/her. Just focus on it enough to know that there’s someone out there waiting on your love and ready to give you love.

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  1. Get busy.
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It’s time to occupy your time and mind with those events that would bring about those goals and ambitions of yours. Study more, get a new degree, register for a new program, invest in yourself, go shopping, be a better person, enhance your relationship with God, get creative, learn a hand work, dare to reach new horizons, have fun(anything crazy you think of will help) and be happy.

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  1. Think of everything you have been missing and get back in the game.
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Yeah, think of everything you have missed while loving this guy or girl. The awesome partners you must have let down in the name of being faithful or hoping your lover will come around to love you back. Remember the heart loves who it loves. Shake it all off and determine to be happy. Only you have the key to remain happy except you have decided to hand it over to other people. Flirt (understand the basic meaning first), have fun, be happy but be wise and never drop your self-respect.

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I hope these few tips would help you win YOU back. You deserve to be happy.

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21 comments

  1. This is for me.. I’ve found myself in this kinda situation a number of times, as a matter of fact, I’m loving someone who doesn’t love me back presently, and it sucks… Errrr!!!!!! Sometimes I asked myself if I was ever meant to be loved… Notwithstanding…. I love the new look of elsieisy.com…. Nice one elsie, way to go!

  2. hmmmmm…………. All these ones don’t work for me o. I do them all and still love the person. as a matter of fact, I hardly ‘stop’ loving someone. The feelings reduce when I have someone else to pour them on. Recently, I learnt to pour the love on myself because I realised that I was doing the same thing over and over in the past. Loving myself alone is also posing as a big problem because now I am scared to pour the love on someone else 🙁 This love matter haff tire me sef! lol\r\nN.B- I agree with Femi on the look of elsieisy.com…. gotta say, i miss the picture slides tho, those were my best parts of the last theme.

    1. Dear Shughar, i used to think that was me too until i started loving myself and channeling my thoughts to more productive things. I used to feel i needed a boyfriend to feel loved, but i got past all that cos i started defining the love i have for me, how i see and treat myself, how i want others to see and treat me, what i expect from people and what i can actually give back to people. Life is a two way issue. Love and be loved, give and receive. When you truly love yourself then you must love others cos this love radiates. it reflects who you are. i am almost starting another article here but all i will say is, learn how and when to draw the line. Love is emotional as much as tactical.\nN.B- dont worry i will send you picture album.lol

  3. Maybe I will agree to some of this remedies in part, but the no 4 is a No No!, trying to find the wrong/fault in someone you supposedly love (Love in this context is a sub for emotional barrage) will only lead to torture for you and unconscious pleasure for who you are trying to hate. The key to disconnecting from such messy situation is disconnecting, you don’t need to stop loving, all you need to do is stop being afraid of being alone.. Like Shughar suggested, see the importance in making yourself priority in this love facade. What you need to do is stop being afraid…and to end fear, you need to love because only perfect love can drive out fear, and in this situation, you have to stop loving yourself perfectly enough to stop hurting yourself..nobody is more important than you.\r\n\r\nThe solution is simple and straight forward, if you want to stop, start by disconnecting, and the first and easiest way to do so is to cut communication. Delete him/her from your contact list, BBM list etc even if he/she is your next door neighbour, don’t worry if you know his/her number offhand, that burden will get lighter with time, make it a bit difficult to reach your so-called love, but if you must communicate (if money is involved) please do and limit the communication to that business at hand.. once that is one, disconnect.\r\n\r\nIf it’s a one way love trip like Femi’s case, don’t struggle with it, threat the condition like a celebrity crush situation.. Be honest with yourself like Elsie opined, stop creating scenes for the impossible, you’ll only continue to make a fool of yourself.. be the star and you’ll find out that you’ll be more about you and less about her with time. \r\n\r\nDon’t waste your energy on people that deserves your silence, don’t talk about whoever it is… become the victor and not the victim… and if you are a guy, open your eyes… enjoy the pleasure of admiring women…not comparing… subject the victim and you’ll loose that mojo that you think was so all important… You’re the most important element in this equation, abeg stop being the “X” , that nigga is always uncertain, be the “Y” in this algebra

  4. very well said. you hit all the right points..if i had read this before i posted my post yesterday i would have added a link to this post..*but with your permission of cos*

  5. Expectation is the mother of disappointment. Thanks to a long list of romantic flicks and Disney movies the average person has come to expect the perfect relationship where feelings are automatically reciprocated at the same level. To start with we have different capacities to ‘love’ (I really don’t like using this word), and to make this worse, we ‘love’ differently. If you want to break free of mourning for not having your love reflected back on you, you have to make peace with the fact that this will not always happen. Most of us have probably done this to someone else but we live under the illusion that it cannot be done to us. As for getting rid of your emotions for that person, this blog did a good job in giving pointers. I personally advice for communication black out until you find your center again. No call, no text, no nothing…People say ‘oh we can be friends’, yes, but not immediately. My 2 kobo ni.

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