You believe in this change mantra and all its elements until something hits you, maybe not. You’re a practical person, that’s what you always say to yourself. A bachelor now right? No more spending with reckless abandon. You should be more responsible with your spending and try to cut costs at all times, because.. Recession. Isn’t that what you are told?

The recession is hitting you hard, so hard that you rejoice at every news of returned funds looted from the national treasury. You’re always excited at the news that one would think the funds are remitted directly into your account. You are undoubtedly with the government believing them to pieces.

You’ve even started using the slogan, ‘buy Nigeria to grow the naira’. You’re so in for it that you tend to brand anyone that questions the government “Wailer”.

It is a Sunday, and in the spirit of growing the naira mantra, you decide to buy home-grown rice. Remember as a bachelor, you make the rules owing no one explanations; but you still try to  see reason with yourself. You’re not that buoyant on cash, and truthfully, the locally produced rice would be economical, and of course, grow the naira – don’t forget that.

You are on your way out now, but you’re having a rethink. You’re there now but somehow you’re buying the foreign produced-imported rice. But as soon as the price is revealed, your sense goes back to growing the naira and you opt for the locally produced rice. It does not look appealing to the eyes, but you’re optimistic it will come out good. It’s selling for N100 per cup while the foreign rice  sells for N130 per cup. You buy three cups you get to save N90 – relatively a huge sum in this recession.

You’re home now and all geared up for the extra task of sorting before cooking. It’s taking forever to finish sorting, something you’re not used to and you’re already getting very hungry. As uncertainty creeps in, you’re starting to wonder if you made the right decision. You’ve finally finished sorting, but there’s a problem. The rice looks smaller in quantity, and you give in to the temptation of re-measuring the rice you have left.

Three cups magically becomes two cups, it’s hard to take but the look on your face says it all. By time you calculate the price of two cups of foreign rice, you realize you’re technically at a loss of N40. Your instinct takes over and without giving it a second thought, you add all the chaff you had initially taken out via sorting to gain the quantity of rice you paid for, saying to yourself, ‘it’s just chaff from the rice, it can’t kill’.

It didn’t take time to be done with, and now you’re trying to eat, but it’s harder than you think. You almost lost a tooth some split seconds ago because it landed on a huge granite. Now you’ve given up on eating and now weighing if it’s the right decision to give that naughty dog what’s leftover of the meal.

Still thinking through the meal you just had, you conclude that the only positive from this meal is you not having to say “thank you Ma” after a horrible meal. You’re a bit relieved but you want the naira to maintain its own lane.